2 Goodies from Nestle and Nuffnang PH
8 Sakura Matcha KitKat!
12 Shooting with Aian for a joint outfit post (which you will see here very soon)
16 Nget-nget trying to fit his butt inside a box that's half-full
18 My name on a tea container! I really like seeing my name on tea containers. Haha!
20 Fairy lights at SM MoA! I had a biiit of a hard time taking photos (as my camera kept auto-focusing).
22 Old old ooold photo I dug up for Father's Day
24 Sansrivaaaaaaaal. One of my most favorite things in the world, I think.
26 New shirt my dad got me from MONQLO (Monster Hunter x UNIQLO, heh)
28 Oyakodon from Hana, something I always order at Little Tokyo when I feel like having rice for dinner.
First of all, I apologize for neglecting this blog yet again.. recently I've become quite absorbed in a number of things, you see, which mostly includes a seemingly endless backlog of photos and thoughts about what to do from here.
I've decided to -finally- start taking my photography seriously. I've always been serious about it from the start, but because I became enchanted by the idea of other things (read: sidetracked), I started thinking of taking on a profession other than photography. But then, the things that I'm good at can only be counted on one hand, and my only redeeming quality is that I'm good at taking photos. I do still dream of becoming a dokumo, but that dream is kind of far away and something that I'm very unsure of. I also played around with the idea of becoming a teacher, but I feel that I might be a bit too socially awkward for something that requires having to communicate with children on a day-to-day basis. "So what now?", I thought. Photography is something that I enjoy and the jobs that I can get right now, at my level, seem to be only ones that involve working in a studio-- confined, restricted, controlled. I didn't like the idea of that at all. I know, I know, we all have to start somewhere. But my fear is that I one day lose the drive to do what I love doing just because I'm forced to do it because of money and such.. Just thinking about it makes me want to jump off a building. (Suicide is not an option. Repeat 9999 times.) Actually, just thinking about how I'm not getting anywhere with this is making me feel like giving up photography altogether. What the hell, I know. At one point, I really did think of giving it up.. I felt like the work that I was coming up with wasn't up to par with what I, in my head, wanted to create, and that all the work I've created until now was, at best, mediocre in quality. I beat myself up like this every day, quite honestly. I don't like it, but I can't really help it. Just recently though, I've started listening to The GazettE. This seems quite irrelevant, but it isn't, trust me. I watched a video of one of their lives sometime last month, and since then it's been GazettE all day, everyday. When I get obsessed over something, I tend to go a bit overboard, and this was no exception. But the thing is though, it's done nothing but good for me. It's brought back the inspiration I thought I'd lost, both in photography and in real life. From a completely unbiased perspective, it amazed me how much heart and soul GazettE put into their work-- from the songs, to the visuals, the lives, everything. I want to be able to do that as well. I want to be able to create something that shows my heart and soul, and not just another pretty picture.
So far, I've considered taking these two steps: one, working on my portfolio (which I have not touched since early last year), and two, considering going to a good school for formal training in photography. I know that the latter isn't really necessary for some, but I'm the type that needs extra help when doing things, sadly. I feel that formal training is necessary for me, especially since I'd only ever studied things that I got off the internet, and most of the time I wasn't even able to fully understand the things that I'd studied. Both these aren't easy for me though, as both need money, which I have very little of. I've stopped spending on unnecessary things almost completely, but I still might need to get a part-time job. Part-time, because I want to be able to do personal shoots as well. Hmm.
In the meantime though, I've been scouring the internet for good schools that offer photography courses. It's not been going as well as I'd hoped, as tuition fees are quite steep and only a handful offer full scholarships, but I've found a couple that I might consider applying to in the near future. If anyone knows of any good ones, local or otherwise, let me know!